Pain Pain Pain Pain
It's been a long time since I wrote anything. I had recorded another Indiegen video, but never finished editing it and never released it. I thought I might talk a bit about my visit the China Joy, the largest game expo here and some of my experiences at the after party there. The problem, though, was none of that has anything to do with what this site should be about. In fact, far too much of what I am doing lately has nothing to do with what this site should be about, or my dreams in general. We all know where that roads leads, as in the past when I had too many sites going and things were just too fragmented.

I believe in taking risks. I obviously took a big risk in coming out here in the first place. I am not just talking about coming to China, but leaving California in itself, as I did four years ago, and traveling around seeking my dream. I feel like I possibly allowed that adventurous spirit to get lost somewhere. I forgot my PURPOSE. I got too settled into things which, in the end, were not MINE. The result, as always, was that my true projects were not getting made.

Here is something interesting. Over a year ago, in the first post on this new site, I wrote, "I remembered days gone by when I just did my thing, and didn’t spend all my time on the internet, posting in forums, chasing down leads, managing ad campaigns, or worrying about internet marketing. I am still quite certain I never want to get back into that. I just want to create. I have stories to tell, and images to get out of my head and onto the screen." Nothing has changed since then, as far as my feeling, but part of the problem is also that NOTHING HAS CHANGED. This means I am still doing those things I supposedly never wanted to do.

My Media page of original anime and manga

In the second post on this new site, still over a year ago, I talked about media. I said I am an artist and that I want to create. My plan was to populate this site with media. The problem is, aside from GMO Shoujo and the first chapter of Paragon, that media page has not changed much in the year since I wrote that. What happened?! I suppose I could make a million excuses, but none of that matters now. The point is that IT DIDN'T HAPPEN. I didn't create. The media page did not get populated. I let things get in the way.

The solution to Paragon is simple. I wrote in the production blog for that show that, since modo 601 has introduced all the character animation and cel shading tools, that would allow me to do everything that was done back in the days of Understanding Chaos, Paragon will be done with this technique and no other. I spent enough time waffling on the best way to get that project underway. The best way to get any project underway is to GET THE PROJECT UNDERWAY. Task a risk. Stop thinking. Start doing. I write this as much for myself as for any reader.

As you might be able to tell from my writing I am very unhappy right now. That is why I am going to take another risk. I am going to make a big change. I am going to try something new. If I don't go down in flames, then it will mean this site can finally become what it should have always been. I can fill in that gaps that have been missing for the last few years and, wasting no further time, begin populating this site with the content that those readers who still come here looking for something can appreciate and then SHOW HOW IT WAS DONE. I remember that mission. That is how it began with Understanding Chaos. That is also how it will end.

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